the text message

I can’t remember exactly when I started texting, but it was sometime within the last three years. At first, I used it only with a few people in my phone book, but somehow within a matter of months, I was texting everyone who I regularly called, IMed, or emailed. Needless to say, I had to purchase the 1000 text/month package from my wireless carrier because my addiction was costing me up to $30 extra per month. I don’t use the term “addiction” lightly here. I pride myself on not only texting quickly and accurately–and now with two thumbs in the era of the blackjack–but I am able to do it while simultaneously crossing the street, listening to my ipod, and saying hi to people on the street. There are just some things that come out better via text message, and it’s great for messaging people who you otherwise not want to pick up the phone and call. But my top reason for texting is definitely flirting.

This has led to a number of dating disasters. Take for example the night that my friends and I were out to dinner and they decided to wrestle my phone away from me and send a dirty text message to the first guy (alphabetically) in my phone book. The message went to a hot guy with whom I’d flirted a number of times…I had this crazy fantasy that he could potentially be up for a hot hookup some night when I was lonely, but alas–he received the explicit text message from “me.” After admonishing my friends severely, I decided that my best option was to pretend it never happened.

Maybe it would just go unnoticed?

Maybe the message didn’t go through!?!

Ha! The next time I saw him was months later at 1 am at a club, and when I went over to say “Hi,” the first thing out of his mouth was a smirk and “Nice text message!” This left me in the awkward position of having to tell the lame story about how my friends sent it and I had nothing to do with it, blah blah, etc. As if he believed any of it.

I also have a bad habit of getting bored in the late afternoon and texting to “check in” since I tend not to call guys (boyfriends excluded of course), preferring to answer or return their calls instead. I really need to quit this for a number of reasons. First off, if I am dating someone who lives in the same metropolitan area as I do, I think we should spend as little time as possible on the phone or in what I term “alternative forms of communication,” i.e. instant messenger, email, and text messages. These are the Bermuda triangle of dating. Seriously. Don’t fall into this trap! If you are dating, spend time together IN PERSON! Entire relationships can begin and end using this evil triangle of communication, with little face-to-face interaction inbetween.

For example, I recently began and ended a seriously ill-fated reconnect entirely via text message. His number was no longer in my phone since we had broken up abruptly months earlier, but I recognized the number when he started texting…he must have chosen to reconnect via text in order to take advantage of my addiction, and I fell right into his trap. Especially when he dared me to meet up with him–I have difficulty passing down a good dare. Luckily I quickly regained the upper hand and succeeded in never calling him during our 3-4 week reconnect; he may have called 3 or 4 times during that period. For this and so many other reasons, I knew it was going nowhere and eventually stopped returning his texts. Instead of picking up the phone and calling me, he continued to send texts asking if I had “quit,” and after a few days he stopped texting altogether. In retrospect, I feel very responsible for creating this monster, because the first time this man had ever sent a text message was right after our first date one year ago to say he had a great time. I swear I didn’t teach him–but it was probably something in my pheromones that signaled to him to communicate with me via text. Now he’s clearly also addicted.

One last danger of using texting as a flirting mechanism is that it’s utterly unreliable as a mode of communiation. I’ve sent messages to guys with other cell phone carriers that they’ve never received, and vice versa; you can only imagine the problems this causes in a relationship where alternative forms of communication dominate. Or you could send a flirty text to someone who–for whatever reason–doesn’t use text messages! Or to someone whose number is in your phone but your number is NOT in his phone. Lastly, you could send a message that’s so long that it either 1) gets cut off or 2) the recipient doesn’t scroll down to the end, where you’ve inevitably placed the most important part of your message.

Given that I’ve got loads more personal examples of why texting leads to miscommunications, misinterpretations, and general disasters, I really need to work on picking up the phone and calling more often.