i want you to want me

……even if i am not that into you.  it’s a simple fact: even when we know deep down that it’s never going to be love, we want to be the one in the driver’s seat.

case in point: i recently started a trend of dating men who are good enough–or even great–on paper because of a general “what do i have to lose?” attitude.  i thought that even though i am certain about settling down and would like to remain focused at all times, that that very attitude was a bit dangerous.  not only could i close off something too soon that could have grown into love, but that very attitude could frankly be quite off-putting to men who pick up on it.  nothing screams “desperate” more than a woman who is semi-open about her husband hunting.  some things are better kept under wraps…….

so, onward i marched thinking that i could casually date, so long as i didn’t kid myself about the dating potential OR stick around too long when i could be available for a more serious relationship.  wonderful!  until the guy suddenly moves you into the “friend” zone after 3 or 4 dates.  i admit that no love was lost, but it doesn’t make it sting any less.  i clearly have an issue being the one who says “ok, we tried this and you’re great, but i don’t think it’s gonna go anywhere” or something of the like.  for the number of times i have thought and felt this, i can’t really think of times when i’ve expressed it.

but why not express it?  given the fact that if i’m not really feeling it, chances are it’s somewhat mutual, by not saying anything i risk 1) being switfly moved into friend zone or–worse–oblivion or 2) wasting my time when i could be hanging out with friends or trying to meet new, better guys.

and besides, even if i am not “saying” it, i am clearly expressing it through my behavior towards the guy.  whether it is my reluctance to be the first to call or my incredible penchant for letting all the quirks out waaay too soon, i am terrible at faking it.

so next time i am faced with the reality that it’s just not love, i am going to keep the upper hand and take control of the situation.